I Bleached My Hair Like Lionel Messi. It Was A Total Disaster

Who said split ends and chemically enhanced shampoos were just for women? And don’t even get me started on insecurity.

That’s right. I’ll admit: I used to think anyone that dyed their hair had a chip on their shoulder, something to prove or had just been through a breakup. But as a recently bleached blonde, I can now understand just how harmful and cruel those stereotypes are – and, unfortunately, how accurate.

Though I told myself I was just bored, the truth is; lockdown got to me. So what else was there to do? Inspired by old Youtube clips of Lionel Messi (who also dyed his hair back in 2016, allegedly, to start from zero) and Brazilian professional surfer Italo Ferreira (who probably just did it for fun), I peroxided the heck out of my hair. Disaster ensued.

Watch the video below to see a full timelapse of my journey…

My first mistake? I opted for a cheap supermarket pack rather than going the professional route, and after waiting the requisite 38 minutes with the goo on my head, found my hair a shade of strawberry.

To make things worse, I had missed patches around my ears and neck.

I then realised all the hairdressers in my area (I live in Sydney) were booked out. Some for months. When I walked into one and asked for an appointment the lady burst out laughing – even if she was kind enough to enquire: “What for?” (at the same time as eying off my rogue locks).

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I even sent pleading emails (featured in the video above) with photographic evidence of the disaster, in the hope of scoring a pity appointment.

No dice.

With a return to the office (and a big work lunch) coming up, time was ticking and I was getting no closer to a solution. I tried everything from lemon juice to spending a cancerous amount of time in the sun to get my reddish blonde hair to lighten.

Again: no dice.

I had almost given up hope when a housemate’s hairdresser had an opening. I took it with relief. I then went through the three other bookings I had made as backups (later in the month) and cancelled them.

The ordeal wasn’t over though – in a classic display of indecisiveness, when I got to the salon I couldn’t decide if I wanted to go full Ferreira or a more low key Scandinavian blonde.

I ended up going Scandinavian blonde, regretting it, and then freaking out at the grey/blue tones. Fortunately, they went away after a couple of days but still: heart attack in a bottle.

Moral of the story? If you’re going to bleach your hair (and don’t want to damage your scalp) do it professionally the first time, rather than getting it wrong yourself, and then having to chuck the chemicals on again.

Or better yet: stick to manicuring your fingernails…

Read Next

• I Tried To Get A Chris Hemsworth Haircut & Now I Deeply Regret It 
• I Got 2021’s Most On Trend Haircut & It Was A Total Disaster

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